We were supposed to be looking at each other in the light and touching each others hair (and of course writing about it for a grade, love love LOVE grad school!) but somehow conversation broke out among Meagan, Molly and I (weird, I know) and steered swiftly towards girl talk. Crazy how this happens.
Recently, conversations with my girlfriends have centered around how generally ignorant men are, so I decided to make a little list of red flags, culling from these talks. I'm doing this mainly because I don't want the Valentine's Day post to be the most recent one on here. (It's getting close to the actual day and I am feeling a little dumb for writing it, even more dumb for admitting that I actually like the holiday. Vulnerability is not my strong suit. But that's a whole other story...)
So here it goes--highlights from lowlifes. (Just FYI, none of these are my stories/anecdotes--I have borrowed and stolen them from others. And some are kinda "racy" so if you aren't into that, skip this one.)
A couple of these have questions attached. If anyone has insight, answers, further questions, feel free to share.
1. "It's cool if I rail other chicks right?" This was said mid-sex. I know...douchebag award of the century.
2. When you have a party and the dude you're dating spends the whole night talking to a total slut-bag (and ignoring you) and then expects you to come home with him. And then doesn't call you the next day. Is this a punishment for not sleeping over? Is he embarrassed because he spent so much time talking to a woman the rest of us couldn't take for more than two minutes?
3. "Spit on the cock!" These words should not be uttered. Especially when the guy is giving himself a hand-job.
4. When a dude asks you to bite his nipples and then calls you nasty. (On a side note, nipple-biting should be invite-only right? We aren't expected to just, like, go there, are we?)
5. A guy who calls on Sunday night at 10:30 p.m. after a Thursday night date. And then in the message he doesn't even inquire about when he gets to see you--because yes it is a privileged--he just stutters on about nothing for 30 seconds. Do guys wait this long because they think they have to? And then do they leave weird messages because they are afraid to show us they like us? Or is the call obligatory? Is he--dare I say it?--just not that into you?
6. "I'm not going to stay the night tonight. No, you're perfect. Nothing's wrong. I just want to slow things down. I'll stay over next week." We still have no idea what happened here. Clearly the dude never called.
7. "I'm going to Japan. Give you a call when I get back." Somehow this happened to one of my friends three times. Two of the times the guy did not call back. Japan-Guy number three is jetting off on Thursday, so we'll see if third time's the charm.
8. A guy asks you out to a party. The party is that night. You say no, you're busy. Then he calls the next day and leaves an obnoxious voicemail about how you, "soooooooo missed out." What about this makes you want to call him ever again?
9. Pulling the "Here he, Here he." When a guy writes an email giving you the details of his whole day...without asking about yours, "So I went for a run and then I wrote for five hours and then I studied the chakras, and now I'm going to check out this trendy Asian fusion restaurant." Did I ask? Do I need to know you're every move?
10. Here's a text: "If you were into me, you'd be the perfect women for me." And another, three months later: "I'm a little drunk, I wish we had tried to date." He tried. She did not. There was no we.
Hopefully this post doesn't come off as mean. I like men. I LOVE men. But some of them are really kinda dumb. Or they just don't listen to us. Or they're delusional. Or scared. I get that. We're scared too. But I think women maybe try harder? We care more about men's feelings, we put them before our own. Maybe this makes us dumb...
Or as a guy friend of mine said, "The problem is that men have to try hard while trying even harder to look like they're NOT trying hard." Maybe if we all tried a little harder to be ourselves, and better yet, to accept other people for who they are without all this stupid game-playing-waiting-three-days-to-call crap, we would all be better off...
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8 comments:
Good tip. Thanks.
Well said Ben... I <3 your insight here...
P.S. The quality of the man you meet is going to be contingent upon the circumstances of your meeting, more often than not, imo.
hah. if only that were true (about place of meeting being a factor in the quality of a man)
actually the only guy I met in a bar turned out to be one of the nicest guys I have dated...go figure.
Hey now, I said circumstances... that doesn't just pertain to location. Why was he there, why were you there...at what time, what time of year, who were you there with, and him, how did you end up speaking initially, etc.
Come on meow, if it were only about the place, I'd go to Yoga studios and farmer's markets more often.
Cuz that's where all the quality women hang out, right?
Wrong, they go to Laker games, and have the patience to wait in line at Pinks, amongst other things...
touche.
no we quality women hang out in grad school, where there are pretty much no men to be met. I've recently resigned myself to the fact that I'm going to be waiting a looooong time for that fabled prince to come!but, hey, he'll be worth waiting for :)
Don't wait, and don't search... I've never ended up in a quality relationship when I was looking OR waiting... or at least I told myself I wasn't when I really was.
I find it happens when you least expect it/at the most inopportune time. Those are usually the one's where you're truly hooked... obviously, right?
My last comment here was red wine induced and fairly difficult to follow, I'm sure. If not, than your comprehension skills are on par with your writing skills.
i must be a superstar 'cause I got what you meant!
you're totally right that when you're not looking you find someone. though, maybe subconsciously you're looking? like deep down you know what you really need but you don't completely realize it? that's when I've been hit hardest...
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