Fear V. Love

I kinda have a thing for this Florentine dude named Niccolo. He hung out with the Medici family during the Italian Renaissance, wrote this little book called The Prince. When I went to Florence two summers ago, I may or may not have teared up while viewing/taking multiple pictures of his tomb in Santa Croce.

The guy was a total pessimist. Here is the quote/tenet he is most known for, the case of Feared vs. Loved:

"It is much more safe to be feared than loved, when you have to choose between the two...for love holds by a bond of obligation which, as mankind is bad, is broken on every occasion whenever it is for the interest of the obliged party to break it."

This is totally the framework for male/female dating relations. Get the other person to think you are so cool and unapproachable that they want you even more. Because if you endear yourself to the person and allow yourself to be loved, that may not last. Love never fails, according to 1 Corinthians 13 (Bible-quotage, what-what!), but fear never dies.

My infatuation with Machiavelli began when I re-read The Prince in college for President Sample's class. I revisited the text some nights ago after thinking about this idea that it would be best to be loved by others, and also intimidate them a little, if you are looking for control over a certain social situation. Like when girls say that they "wear the pants" in a relationship, they typically enjoy being both feared and loved. There is a sense of security in this duality, that your place in a partnership is determined. But, generally when I have been the pants-wearer, I lose interest, so what's more important--even-keeled security or unreliable passion? (Niccolo says we always must chose one thing or the other in most situations, rarely can we have both.) At this point in my life, I would always choose passion over stagnation.

But to get back to fear and love...if you had to choose, as Niccolo stresses, perhaps being a little intimidating is a better life skill than being the type of person everyone likes. I know how terrible this sounds. Especially because I think I would prefer to be loved. But knowing that maybe love won't last, is it worth it to allow yourself to be loved? Or better to protect yourself with an armor that intimidates?