An Open Letter

Dear [insert name of guy I have dated/am dating/will date],

How are you? Hope you're doing well. I'm pretty good myself. Doing a little blogging, a little teaching, finishing grad school.

Anyway. The reason I am writing to you is to apologize. I have this new blog called The Little Black Blog of Big Red Flags, and you're probably going to be written about at some point. If I haven't written about you already. You may or may not be comfortable with this, which is why I am saying sorry preemptively.

But before you click the link and try to figure out which of the nearly 50 posts are about you, let me just say this: I am not writing about you out of spite, anger, or vindication. You are a great guy in many ways. In some other ways, you are not so great, just like everyone else.

In fact, I thought I would take this opportunity to list some reasons why I am not so great, just to make you feel better:

1. Sometimes when we talk on the phone I will tell you to hold on while I have a full conversation with my roommate and laugh with her about some inside joke, while you wait for us to finish, which I'm sure is really annoying.

2. I read into everything you do way too much.

3. I joke around a lot, and will poke fun at you, which apparently comes off to some as passive aggressive but really isn't. I just think I'm funnier than I am.

4. If you so much as look at another girl, not to mention talk to her, joke with her, or touch her in any way, I will assume you: a) Want to sleep with her or b) Already have. I won't say anything to you about this, I will just be kinda bitchy for a minute. (And, yes, that is passive aggressive.)

5. I let my dog kiss my on the mouth. And drink from my water glass.

And those are just from the top of my head. The point is, I have this blog, and you're going to be on it, so please don't be mad at me. Really, the blog isn't even about you. It's about women coming together to commiserate about the stupid things you guys do to us (like, maybe don't do those things and blogs like this wouldn't have to exist). It's about me wanting to get a book deal and make lots and lots of money.

I mean, hey, feel free to start a blog of your own. You can even use my five flags above to get you started.

lots of love,
Natasha