I Want Your Smart-Ass

Because my book project centers on my previous relationships, I've been analyzing who I am in that context. And what kind of guys I am attracted to. So, while I'm sure ya'll are sick to death of my posts deconstructing my ghosts of boyfriends past, hopefully my postulations are relateable enough to be interesting.

Thus far, I haven't been able to nail down a decent guy and I finally figured out what my freakin' problem is. (Was.) Well, someone else figured it out for me, and, in an effort to protect her identity, I will just say that this person is about twenty-years older than me, knows my dating history, and has been a wonderful mentor to me. Thankfully, this person not only figured out my problem, but was kind enough to share her findings with me.

Ready for it? I have never dated a guy who was as smart as me.

Sure I dated a guy who got better SAT scores than me and went to a boarding school that was much more prestigious than my high school. I dated guys who went to college with me, so one could assume that, if we all got in, we must be on the same field. Not to be arrogant, but, no, we were not.

Because it's not just about being intelligent, or well-read, both of which I am, thankyouverymuch, it's about drive. I've dated a guy who was writing a book but wasn't sure if he wanted to be a writer. He'd amassed less than 100 pages in a year and a half of working on his project, a feat I could (oh, wait, did) complete in a month. I've dated a guy who would make films but do nothing to promote them, leaving the leg-work to his more business-savvy brother. I've dated a guy who's dad is a famous actor and wanted to break into the biz himself but didn't have the stamina to see it through. The weird thing was, all three of these guys had ample support from their parents/caregivers but, clearly, all the money in the world couldn't buy their determination.

All this time, I kept thinking, geez, what's wrong with these guys, and the problem has always been right here, with me, another point my wise mentor-friend made. I'm the one who is choosing these guys, who have no real gumption or goals, who think things will just happen for them if they wish real hard, an attitude which couldn't be more unlike my own.

This need to date men who are on my mental level makes sense. I mean, I am a sucker for guys who wear glasses. Seriously. Turn-on central. When one of the guys I dated revealed he could translate Greek and Latin I swooned. When another divulged his desire for a Ph.D. I practically proposed. But, alas, that was the extent of their intelligence quotients. They were all talk and no action. Such teases.

From now on, I want to date smart. I'm talking career-obsessed, takes-night-classes, Phi Beta Kappa, Ivy League, grad school, book-by-your-bedside-that-you-actually-read, New York Times-enthusiast types. I'm talking guys who have given up drinking every night so they can rise to the top of their fields. I'm talking guys who are actual men, who can make decisions on their own, and most of all, who don't need "a strong woman" behind them.