The Vacuum

I found a word doc on my computer today with some musings/rants I jotted down after a lunch with my best friend J. It's from a little over a year ago, right after moving back to L.A. from NY, but I thought it was still relevant in some ways to how I feel every so often about where I am at in my life. (And how great is this pic of J and I from when we "starred" in a hip hop music video entitled "Ride Rims"?!)

A realization:

Over lunch with J I realized that I am not the only one feeling like my life is completely uncertain/I just want to sit in my room all day and do nothing/if I didn't sit in my room all day doing nothing, I don't know what I want to do anyway.

Post-college life is a vacuum. It. Sucks. And...yeah.

There actually was a point to that metaphor before I fucked it all up. It's a vacuum because everything I thought I wanted or knew I believed in is gone, I can't remember anything! Everything I try I decide I don't like anymore. So, instead of wallowing in the fact that, at 23, I am living with my parents, don't know if I want to actually finish grad school next year, and I may or may not have a job I may or may not like in about two months, whew, I am making a list of things to life for...I guess I'm trying the whole positive thinking thing that I tell other people works...



1. Laughing way too hard at something that will only be funny to a few select people (and later, texting whatever it is to someone randomly and laughing again about it despite time and distance)


2. The wave of sunshine that washes over you when you hear a song that reminds you of "that one time..."


3. Kissing for the first time
.

4. Kissing for the millionth time but having it feel like your first

.

And when all else fails, go for the Jager I guess....this list is really short. I think I'm a pessimist moonlighting as an optimist, because really, I can't think of more happy things that are really truly happy. I mean like get you through the worst possible day of your life happy...