Changes

The nature of ex-boyfriends, I've found, is that they always become the men you wished they were when you were together after you've broken up. This theory is scientific in that I have witnessed this transformative phenomenon in two of my exes. (And from talking to Krissy last night, she has as well, so that's three.)

Being the idiot I am, I decided to look at a recent photo of my ex on Facebook. We actually talked for the first time in about four months yesterday, which was oddly amazing to the extent that I neither hated him nor wanted to get back together with him over the course of our 50 minute chat. Because we'd been together for so long, it's almost impossible to not enjoy talking to him. There are probably six people in the world who know me best and he is one of them. Plus, I had so many things to tell him. Did he see that movie I saw? Did he like it too? What did he think about John Madden retiring? And so on...

Anyway, I found out during our phone call yesterday that things have been going great for him professionally, which was one of the issues we'd had (he was lazy/I was sick of him complaining his career wasn't going anywhere). He revealed that, now, he doesn't typically leave work til 10 p.m. and I am genuinely proud of him for getting his butt in gear. I truly believe this would not have happened if we'd stayed together. (Or at least, I can tell myself this to feel better about breaking up with him.)

But, while he also mentioned he was running daily and eating right, the ex neglected to mention that he is now the possessor of what some may call a pretty hot bod. I mean, like pectorals and abs hot bod. Like biceps. Of course, he is/was always a good looking guy, but never that cut. And not that I'm a huge fan of muscular guys. But I certainly would not have been complaining if he'd looked like that when we were together.

It's not like I'm regretting breaking up or anything, I just think it's an odd quality of breaking up that pushes men to become what you wanted them to be in the first place. In this case, successful and muscular. My high school boyfriend kinda did the same thing. We used to fight about me joining a sorority and drinking in college, which sparked our demise because the issues could not be resolved (he was adamantly against the Greek system and didn't drink). Sure enough, three months after we were kaput he joined a frat and perpetually got wasted with his new 'bros.'

I'm sure I've changed too, in fact I know I have. I don't nag anymore. I don't need constant reassurance that I can actually write. I don't complain as much about stuff that doesn't matter. I'm less uptight. Maybe it just takes getting out of a situation that's too comfortable or no longer symbiotic to push us into being the people we truly want to be, or just simply better people. Not that my ex and I were bad for each other, but I do think we were holding each other back, at least in some ways.

Now we get to be who we want ourselves to be, without lingering expectations. I know I am much happier post-break-up, and I am pretty sure he is too. Which is extremely comforting. And makes me feel a whole heck of a lot less guilty.