...Dunn-da-Dunn-Dunn-DUNN!

Okay Guys. So. This weekend I'm going to the L.A. Times Festival of Books and my amazing memoir teacher Dinah Lenney is sitting on a panel with none other than Samantha Dunn. I know. I. Know. This is almost Britney-serious.

Oh, wait, you don't know of this Samantha Dunn? Let me explain. Ms. Dunn is both a fiction writer and memoirist, totally hot, and cool, but self-deprecating so you know she's down-to-earth. She describes herself as a "guy's gal," a "tell-her-your-problems, gee-you're-a-great-pal-and-it's-just-a-bonus-that-you've-got-big-boobs, let's-watch-the-Tyson-fight-on-pay-per-view kind of woman." She talks about her tactic of "strategic perfume placement" as one of the getting-ready steps before a date. Her MySpace page quote is Mae West's adage: "Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often."

Needless to say, I love this woman. I believe that we would get along famously, swimmingly, amazingly, as in I feel like, when I read her work, that she is reciting to me my own thoughts.

Which reminds me, Sam Dunn wrote some great books, which is why I get to *maybe* actually talk with her this weekend. She wrote a fantastic memoir called Faith in Carlos Gomez: A Memoir of Salsa, Sex, and Salvation, which made me laugh out loud many, many times in public places, as well as Not by Accident: Reconstructing a Careless Life, and the exquisite novel Failing Paris. Oh, and she's also written for the Los Angeles Times, O (Oprah's mag), Ms., and Glamour. If there was a person whose career I would want to follow, exactly, it would be hers.

What does one say to such a cool individual such as Samantha Dunn? Here are some choices:

Regretfully polite: Hi, I'm Natasha and [mumbles inarticulately about Faith in Carlos Gomez and how it changed my life]. Nicetomeetyou! [runs away]

Professional: Hello, my name is Natasha Burton and I am getting my Master's in Professional Writing at USC, concentrating in non-fiction. I quite enjoy your mastery of vivid imagery in your fiction, as well as your candid reflection in your memoirs. Barf.

Hard-to-get: Say nothing. But look intently at her as she talks on the panel so she will spot me as an active listener and look at me often.

Over-the-top: OH MY GODDDDDD. I LOVE YOU. PLEASE ADOPT MEEEEEE. SERIOUSLY. LIKE YOU AND I ARE LIKE THE SAME. PERSON. SOMETIMES WHEN I'M WITH A GUY, I FEEL LIKE THE SAME WAY YOU DID WITH THE STABLE DUDE. I HATE THAT GUY. YOU ARE WAAAAY TOO GOOD FOR HIM. AND I'M ALSO REALLY CLUMSY. LIKE REALLY. I EMBARRASS MYSELF IN PUBLIC ALL THE TIME. YOU KNOW IN DIRTY DANCING WHERE SHE SAYS SHE 'CARRIED A WATERMELON'? I LIKE SAY THAT PHRASE ALL THE TIME AS LIKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT OF MY EMBARRASSMENT.

Brave: Hey Sam, I'm Natasha. We have a couple mutual friends who think we would get along, so sweet of them to say. Dinah recommended I read your book because my writing style is somewhat similar, though clearly not as expert as yours. Want to grab coffee with me sometime? And tell me all your secrets?