In a Relationship With

Oh Facebook, you wonderous place of procrastination, you fabulous site for self-promotion...

Facebook allows us to post whatever aspects of ourselves we want others to see, and, in turn, judge us by. If your social network is anything like mine, you may be noticing the rate at which your friends seem to be going from "In a Relationship" to "Engaged" and from "Engaged to Married." Or maybe I'm the only one who keeps tabs on this stuff because I'm a huge stalker. In any case, I look at one's relationship status (and declaration thereof) as just one of the many ways Facebook helps us show off a little bit. A girl I know's whole profile appears to be dedicated to: Hey look at my super-cute boyfriend I'm so totally in love with! OMG OMG! I prefer to post pictures of myself making pouty faces, which I guess promotes: Hey look how cute I look sometimes. To each her own.

A little over two years ago, I did a bunch of research for my then-thesis, which looked at a phenomenon I called post-college marriage mania. One of the questions I asked the 500+ women I surveyed was if they displayed their Facebook relationship statuses. While most girls who were attached proudly proclaimed they were "In a Relationship" less than half of those who were "Single" declared themselves as such.

Of course, I could argue that singles decided not to broadcast their unattached-ness because they didn't want creepy stalkers. But judging from longer responses from women, there seemed to be a degree of social failure in admitting they were still single. Especially when some of them noted that if they had boyfriends they would certainly put up their statuses.

I used to be the girl who was blatantly (and braggingly) "In a Relationship with..." In fact, when The Ex and I broke up, I debated for a good hour whether or not I wanted our status to die quietly or become fodder for the News Feed. I must have changed my privacy settings two or three times, first to see if I wanted the news to appear on everyone's main page and then to see if I wanted my newly "Single" status to be noticed as well. I was a PR major for goodness sake--clearly my choice would affect the way others saw me, as well as draw attention for better or for worse. Decisions, decisions. For the thousandth time, I never said I was cool.

In the end, I settled for no status (after I let Natasha Burton is now listed as Single sit on the News Feed for five whole minutes). I wasn't ashamed to be single. I was however not exactly sure if I really was or not because I started semi-dating someone soon after The Ex and I broke up. Which was totally confusing because I didn't want to put that I was "Single" if I wasn't, but then I didn't want to not put that I was single and I thought way too much about it and worried and debated and drove myself--and likely others--absolutely fucking crazy. (I wrote a blogpost about it.)

Basically, I've come to the conclusion that displaying one's relationship on Facebook is kinda dumb (says the girl who doesn't display hers). If you're my friend-friend, and not just my Facebook friend, you'll know if I'm with someone or not. And, really, I don't necessarily want to be defined by whether or not I have a boyfriend, or am engaged, or married. There was way cooler things about me, like my Master's degree or my interest in sleepovers and cappuccino foam or those pouty-face pictures, by which I'd prefer to judged.

Though--if you really must know--yes, I am once again "In a Relationship with..." But I'm not going to flaunt it, okay? That would just be tacky (and totally defeat the purpose of this post).