And Now for Today's Lesson!

I try to get my students to love writing. Well, I try to get them to like it. Or just tolerate it. Over my lengthy teaching career (five semesters) I have cultivated the following metaphors to help my students understand that writing is indeed a process. Mainly they stare blankly at me and muster a couple pity laughs but, inside, I bet they're inspired:

Writing is like an oyster. You start with an irritating bit of sand and then slowly, slowly, and after a lot of time (and oyster spit) you create a beautiful, shiny pearl.

Writing is like power-barfing. Just throw-up everything inside you, then sift through the vomit to find some good chunks.

Writing is like sitting there wanting to shoot yourself in the face every five seconds. Well, it's not like that. It is that.

In short, I tell them that writing sucks. But! Because it sucks and takes forever and is boring and terrible, and all the other things my little ones (those precocious 18-24-year-olds) tell me writing is to them, when, after hours and hours of work, you manage to create one fitting metaphor or write the exact thing you mean, there is no better feeling in the world. I try to convince them that because it's so hard, the reward is huge.

I see the shimmer in their eyes that maybe, just maybe, they feel the magic too. And then there's two minutes left in class and I find myself talking over zippers and papers shuffling as they pack up their crap and begin gossiping about the frat party that night. As Cartman would say, How do I reeech these keeeds?