Save Me From Writing Hell

So, this might sound a little ridiculous...but here goes:

I'm scared to read my thesis/book. Not exactly sure why. Maybe it's because I'm scared I will re-read it after 2.5 months and realize it totally sucks and there is no way I will ever get it (or anything) published and I've talked a big game about being some Writer-with-a-capital-W, but maybe that was totally a load of crap, and now I'm going to have to get a real job, which will be difficult because I'm no longer even qualified to get a 9-5 (at least in the editorial world) because I haven't had a real full-time job since summer 2006, so, what will probably end up happening is I'll have to move back in with my parents and then I'll never see my friends anymore because Pasadena is really far away (practically another country) and I'll spend my nights watching Tivo in bed with my Mom wondering what ever happened to those pipe dreams of mine.

The thesis/book is sitting right here next to me as I sit at the new Novel Cafe on Lincoln, which has become my new writing (or, let's be honest, Facebooking) spot. I can't even turn the first page. Once I do, I'm pretty sure everything will be okay and my brain will kick in and I'll plunge into that editing euphoria I love so much. But what if it doesn't? Then I'd be royally screwed, wouldn't I?

So, write something new--that's a good solution, right? Wrong. Because I can't. I've managed a page. Which has one sorta-funny metaphor on it. (Which I came up with last week.) It's weird wanting something so badly (fame and fortune due to my prolific prose) but not being able to do the work to make it happen. Am I scared of failure? Of success? Of getting sucked into the black hole of writing and not being able to emerge? Likely it's a nice little cocktail of all three.

And it's just not going to happen today folks. Join me next week when I get my one free day at the coffee shop. Will I waste it away on trolling Craigslist for jobs, updating my writer website and looking at people's wedding photos on Facebook? Or will I indeed crack open that manuscript? Stay tuned...